thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
