Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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