Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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