ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
