Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
