oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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