Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
