Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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