i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
