Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
