drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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