I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
