ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Will exercising make me less horny?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
