He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
