i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
