Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
