he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
