we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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