My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
