The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
