i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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