I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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