and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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