It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
