I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
