Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
