So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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