oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
