you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have fence marks all over my body
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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