im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
