I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I want to be your penis for a week.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
