We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
