So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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