Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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