just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
