And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
