The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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