kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
