Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.