im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.