Don't you send me to vm
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months