lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.