If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."