I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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