idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
well you can't waste a boner
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
