I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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