Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
