New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So many bounce houses so little time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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