I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
barbara walters just said penis...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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