Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
