Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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