Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
