I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
