well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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