He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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