i permit you to call me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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