I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
