I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
