I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
