I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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