I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
