So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
